H.L.

 When I started my first year of high school, I always felt like I was an outsider and never really felt wanted or part of any group. I started to have a horrible time keeping my grades up and always felt like I need to be moving or talking during class, which I knew couldn’t be right. I went to my parents and told them I thought something was wrong with me and that my grades were not want I wanted them to be. I told them I had started to have anxiety and panic attacks during tests or even while thinking about taking a test (so much so that I would freak myself out and have to run out of the class). My mom and I went to a doctor’s office and we started to talk about what was going on in my mind and with my grades. When they told me I had ADHD, I never knew what it was, how it started, and why I had to take pills to help me focus better in school. This also made my anxiety worse than ever. These pills were downers in my lifted state and started to make me feel sick, all while making my anxiety worse them I could ever imagine. The panic attacks were killing me. People would laugh at me because I’d be sitting somewhere crying trying to get my head back on straight. I wish my parents never made me take those pills that made my whole world feel so slow. I felt like I was living In a different world. 

Some days my anxiety really got the best of me. If you know me or have ever met me, you would know the first signs of my anxiety. I start to rub my finger and pull on them until they are bright red or pink. This is a coping method but it also causes me pain because I can start to make my fingers bleed. I also try to calm myself down by biting my nails until I can bite them no more. I do this when I start to take a test or in any very uncomfortable situation. I wish I could say my anxiety has gone way but it never will. It’s something I have to live with. There’s always something new about it every time it happens every time I have another anxiety attack. My ADHD has gone away due to growing out of it. But highschool was never easy and everyone has their own groups and I always felt like I was the awkward one, or even invisible. I never got the football player of my dream and I never got to be homecoming queen. You were my bully, you made my world lonely, I was always the invisible girl who had the anxiety and the ADHD.

 How I am handling going through this all today? I have an awesome career going on and I have my amazing man to help me through this. I did recently have a major anxiety attack and I went to my therapist who recommended that I spend more time learning how to do yoga or meditation. I started also working out and hanging out with my dog Oso. Anyone who has anxiety should definitely try to get an animal or go out and get active. I truly think my man has help me through a lot because he knows it’s hard for me at times when I have a really bad attack. I have outgrown the ADHD and haven’t had any issues with it anymore.