L.I.

“You’re still attending school here? Shouldn’t you be graduated by now?” These are the words that pierce my soul. I’ve come a long way to not tell the honest truth of why I am still attending college in one of the toughest majors. Let alone being on my seventh and final year of my undergraduate career. 

I lived in the Central Coast all my life; I went to high school in Arroyo Grande, attended Allan Hancock in Santa Maria and now a software engineering student at Cal Poly. At first, I wanted to attend a university straight out of high school because I wanted to follow my best friends who were getting into top universities. However, I didn’t know what to pursue at the time and decided on community college a week before graduation instead of going to CSU Northridge. While attending AHC, I felt this sense of fear that I was not going to transfer to a university and pursue my dream. However, community college taught me that people come from different walks of life and in the end, pursue a higher education. After spending three years at AHC and solidifying my career path, I transferred into Cal Poly in 2016 with as much confidence to get me through what would’ve been three years at the university. That is, until it turned into four because of the most difficult trial of my life.

When I transferred into Cal Poly, it was what my counselor called a “culture shock” from community college. I was used to the small, tight-knit group at AHC and found myself with a school population of more than AHC. Not only that, being underrepresented as a Filipino woman in computing. I went into my first computer science on my first day, which consisted of all sophomore level students younger than me and being 1 of 5 women in a 30-person classroom. At community college, we had general engineering courses where I would be studying with other engineering majors. This time, I was with people in my actual major. It was very hard to make friends my first quarter because everyone I knew at AHC spread out to their respective majors and continuing Cal Poly students already had friend groups. Even though I joined multiple organizations to help me meet new people, I was still struggling to make it through my first set of computer science courses. 

I started to get off-hand with myself and partied with friends every week when I should’ve been studying. This was because I had no college life until transferring and I was living with my parents, who were usually strict even when I was an adult. I was also struggling so hard in my classes that I didn’t ask for help when I needed it, nor did I even care. Fast forward to the end of spring quarter, I ended up with a 0.35 GPA, lost my financial aid and was at risk of disqualification. My mental health went at an all-time low and lived my whole second year in depression. I developed anxiety, after suffering multiple anxiety attacks the quarter I was on disqualification. This also caused me to have a hard time interacting with people. My words would slur because I started being afraid of what people would think of me when I say something. The worst part? I never told anyone. I didn’t want anyone to think that I was suffering, when I was usually the person who would bring joy to a room. While no one knew, not even my parents, I received counseling services where I talked about anxiety and how I would cope with it. One counselor mentioned I should switch majors, which I was very close to when I was on the brink of failure. I went back to my transfer counselor at AHC and told her I might not make it in software engineering and would come back to pursue an easier major. The first thing she told me was, “You told me your goal was to inspire other underrepresented minorities to pursue STEM. Why are you quitting on it?” My answer would’ve been “because it’s hard” but after she told me that, I reflected on my goal to be the voice for potential women in engineering. It is, indeed, a difficult field. But it’s the struggle that makes it an inspiring story.

After getting off disqualification, I slowly raised my GPA up as well as my mental health. I felt a lot happier being in my major because of the creative things I could do in tech. Not only that, I became comfortable sharing my story. I’m on my last year at Cal Poly and getting ready to head off to industry. Before I leave the place I’ve called home for 24 years, I want to share my story as a platform to inspire other women and transfer students. Starting out at community college, I learned that not everyone has their whole life set. People need as much time to figure out their passion, even if takes a great amount of years. When I transferred to Cal Poly, there was more to be experienced. I went through so many obstacles I never thought would come my way. I had to learn to support myself, as well as get support from others. And what I learned is that it’s okay to be upfront about your struggles. If you’re feeling discouraged, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Even the most positive people in your life have some kind of struggle within them. We are all on this journey through life together. This is what seven years taught me; everything from hardships to accomplishments. And nevertheless, I persevered.