A.L.

My senior year of high school, I was so excited about the idea of college because it meant I could start a new chapter of my life. A new chapter away from San Luis Obispo, that is. I applied to seven California State Universities, Cal Poly being one of them, but I had my heart set on attending college in another city. I received my acceptance email from Cal Poly, told my parents, and thought nothing of it since I was planning on leaving anyway. 

Upon hearing the news of my acceptance, my parents told me that I was to attend Cal Poly. Shocked by their response, I pushed back every day for a month until they gave me an ultimatum: I go to Cal Poly or not go to college at all. I was enraged by their response because I was not told this information while applying for colleges. Eventually, I accepted my admission into Cal Poly and began to get excited for living in the dorms and making new friends. This only deepened my anger. I was forced to attend Cal Poly and now was forced to live at home. Most people say that I’m “lucky” and that it “must be nice to live so close to your family,” but that is far from the truth. In my twenty years of living in SLO, it hasn’t exactly been rays of sunshine. I have never felt like I have been truly at home here and have been searching for a place I could call home since I was old enough to come to this realization. SLO has toxic memories for me which is why I was and still am so eager to leave it all behind. 

When WOW began, I felt like a complete outcast. I could not relate to anyone at all because I was not living in the dorms and did not share school pride for Cal Poly. During this time, I also broke up with my boyfriend because my peers kept telling me how great it is to be single as a freshman in college. After this decision, I had no one supporting me through this time in my life, so I was coping with my feelings of bitterness and sadness through drinking and partying. When classes began, I joined a sorority and got back together with my boyfriend. Since then, I have been happier socially, but not necessarily emotionally or academically.

The hardest part about this whole situation has been living at home. For one, travelling half an hour to and from school doesn’t seem like a lot in the whole scheme of things, but it is exhausting. For example, when I want to go out on the weekends with friends, I need to worry about bringing my belongings that I need for the weekend, where to park my car for the night, and where to sleep. Sometimes, this distance prevents me from socializing with friends which in turn makes me feel isolated from everyone else. Second, I was promised that I would be a normal college student and not have to worry about doing favors for my siblings or for my parents. From the beginning of college to now, I have been asked to do tasks like working for my mom without pay or driving my siblings around when I have a brother at home that can drive. I have also been involved in and surrounded by family drama that doesn’t include me, which is incredibly draining and distracting when trying to focus on school. Third, the emotional impact of physically being at my house has impacted my grades. Let’s just say that my GPA from high school has dramatically dropped since beginning at Cal Poly. I know that I can do better because I have been a straight A student my whole life, but these worries and thoughts of resentment that bombard my mind everyday hold me back from reaching my full potential.

If I were to share my story on social media, I don’t think many people would understand my situation. Through recruitment, so many wonderful women always talk about how they miss home or how they miss their parents and I wish I can relate to them. I know my sisters would reach out to me and tell me they are always here to talk, but it is difficult for me to explain the story over and over again. Many people probably avoid posting their hardships to social media because their friends and followers would think they are trying to gain attention. Social media has also become so toxic to mental health when looking at everyone’s “perfect lives”, so we feel compelled to make our lives seem “perfect” too. 

To any women who aren’t in love with their hometown or don’t have a close relationship with their parents, know that there are so many women in your community that have similar situations to yours than you realize. Although no one can perfectly relate with my story, I have many friends that can relate in different ways with their own stories. Also know that sharing your story with your friends will not burden them. It took me three years to share a bit of my story to my friends about my personal life in fear of being judged, but it was the best decision I have ever made. I still have a long way to go before I become more comfortable with sharing my full story, but baby steps still count!