R.L.

I cannot remember the day or the moment that I found out. Looking back, I now wonder if I blacked out that time period due to the overwhelming amount of emotions I felt at the time. I actually struggle to remember the beginning. From what I can remember, I chose not to believe it originally. The upsetting part about this is that I was more concerned about other people and not the single person effected. Last year in June, my uncle discovered that he had stage 4 Melanoma cancer. Stage 4 is quite serious and it means that the cancer has metastasized into his body. This came out of nowhere because he never showed signs of cancer on the surface of his skin. It is unfortunate that he did not discover it earlier because the higher number of stage, the harder it is to get rid of. My uncle is actually the germaphobe of the family and he was the last person we expected to have any sort of illness. Whenever any of us were sick or even began coughing, he refused to come to family dinners or be near any of us. This is slightly comical because I remember one time, I had my uncles’ phone for some reason and he had an eight-minute timer set. I asked what it was for and he said he set a timer for him to sit outside in the sun. My dad has talked to me about this situation many times and he says that when all of him and his siblings were younger, they would go out in the sun with nothing but baby oil on and that could be the reason. As uncle Joel got older, he became super careful and cautious about his health that no one saw this coming, not even his doctors. 

I was way more concerned about my other family members because my uncle has always been a rock. Nothing phases Joel or at least he would never show us that something is phasing him. He is a private guy. Now the women in the LeBlanc family are a different story. My uncle found Rochelle when I was four. Funny enough, Rochelle and I both remember the first day we first met vividly. It was a nice sunny day in the summer. I was outside in the front courtyard with my family and we were all enjoying the sunshine and swimming. We used to have a large black lab named Rocky and I was only four years old, so I was quite small. I used to ride him around the border of the pool like a horse because I’ve always been into horses. Rochelle remembers coming into our front yard and seeing me having so much fun riding my “horse” around and around the pool. That poor dog. After this first initial meeting, we have been best friends ever since. I am closer to my aunt than I am to my uncle, hence why I was more concerned about her wellbeing. 

My aunt is eleven years younger than my uncle is and only nineteen years older than I am. We were buddies since the beginning and I attribute part of that bond to the fact that the age gap between us is not too big. My aunt has been there for me through everything. She was there when I became a teenager, she was there when I turned sixteen, and she was around when I became an adult (turned eighteen). After I turned eighteen, of course I came to Cal Poly and she has not been around as much because of the distance, but she is still just as present as she can be from five hours away.  

My mom is well, my mom. I love my mom with all of my heart and unfortunately, we lost a different uncle (her brother) about 5 years ago. To my mom, this was her one and only full brother and they were very close. He lost his life to suicide and this was also an extremely hard obstacle for my family to get over. When my mom found out that uncle Joel had cancer, she was distraught. She loves uncle Joel like one of her own brothers and I think this hit home for her because of her other brother passing away. 

My grandma was the third person that I was most concerned about. We had just recently moved her into an assisted living home because she had a few strokes and lost her memory. We were not sure how she was going to handle this and were quite scared to break the news to her. She was reluctant to move out of her home as anyone would be and this would just add to her discomfort. I was not there when my dad told her, but I believe she fell to her knees and started crying. My grandma is a very strong women though and she is doing great now. She plays bingo every week and has really adjusted to the assisted living life. She loves it. Another example of a girl who handles it.

I am still young and have not dealt with death to the extent that others in my family have. For me, it was more challenging watch these women suffer than anything else. I wanted to take away their pain and make it all better, but of course I am not the cure to cancer or to suicide. Currently, it feels as if this has always been around. It feels as if my family has been dealing with this situation forever. It is a never-ending battle. My uncle is still alive, for those of you holding your breath, but he is still battling with cancer each and every day. Two summers ago, I had the hardest time coming back to Cal Poly because I felt like I was leaving my family behind. I remember crying in the parking lot of Westfield mall to my mom about how I didn’t want to leave. It is really hard for me to wholeheartedly support them from this far away and it is not like they are a quick car ride away. I actually debated taking off a quarter from Cal Poly, but my mom assured me that there was nothing I could do and that going back to school was the best decision for me. 

I don’t really know how I have handled it. I am still currently handling it and that is okay. I have surrounded myself with family and good friends, but even thinking about this brings me to tears. They say that time is the best and only healer, but with time, my uncle could be gone. I think that me and my family would actually prefer to stop time, but of course that is not an option. There was not one person or one thing that helped me through this except myself. When I came back to Cal Poly, I submerged myself into school work and tried my best to keep myself busy and not think about things back home. My uncle was good about giving us updates and keeping us in the loop. That was about the only time that I gave them much thought because otherwise I would start crying and my day would be ruined. 

I never posted about this on any social media because I didn’t want people to draw more attention to it. My uncle is okay. He is still alive and he is not in any serious danger currently. If I were to post about this on social media, I’m sure I would be getting many texts and comments about how people are sorry and whatever else and that would make things at least ten times harder for me. My uncle and my aunt have posted about the situation on Facebook and I think that is appropriate, but it is not my time yet. It may never be my time. I prefer to keep my family affairs private because I am one of those people that cries even harder when someone asks if I’m okay. I like to call myself a self-soother. I am the best solution when I am feeling down. 

If any of you are going through a similar situation, I would have to tell you to keep persevering. It does nothing to sit there and dwell on the past or even the present. It is helpful to focus on the positive things in your life and the little things that make you happy. It is crucial to continue living your best life even if others have stopped. It may be hard sometimes, but that perseverance and determination to continue doing you will get you through any situation in the long run. I know my uncle doesn’t want any of us to worry about him and he wants us to continue as we are. There is nothing I or you can do about cancer. I find that not thinking about my uncle or the situation is the best for me because otherwise I get all up in my feelings and cannot focus on anything else. When I started writing this essay the other day, it really hit home. I actually had to call my mom and cry my eyes out for about forty-five minutes to make myself feel even the slightest bit better. These situations suck, but you cannot stop living your life when things get tough.